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@vesperings · April 7 2026

Really enjoying SH2R so far, but something about it makes me feel nauseous. Granted I don't play many games, but this has never happened to me before. I thought I was coming down with something for a moment.

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@vesperings · April 5 2026

I wish you could look past the fact I was born a girl, see me for who I am.

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@vesperings · April 5 2026

I am such an angry person, but I am also so so tired.

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@vesperings · April 5 2026

Saw a house for sale, no more than a minute's walk away. Thought to myself, that's as far as I will ever be able to get away from here, if that. And maybe, just maybe, it would be enough.

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@vesperings · April 5 2026

I fight so hard against control, clinging to what little markers of personhood I have left. I will not let you take even those from me. But fighting every single moment is exhausting and I often find myself wondering how much simpler life would be if I gave in and submitted.

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@vesperings · April 4 2026

You know it's a juicy one when you get too shy to tell your diary about it.

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@vesperings · April 4 2026

What I want and what I want to be are completely different things, and often at odds with one another. Who I am struggles to find its footing between the two.

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@vesperings · April 3 2026

We got Mark Lee leaving NCT before GTA 6 💀💀💀

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@vesperings · April 1 2026

I was right about this font being useful in weeding out the type of person I want to keep away from my page. The modern internet has made people so lazy and entitled that they do not appreciate the actual ~experience~ of a website at all. All anyone wants is to consume consume consume without any resistance.How are you going to complain about not being able to read my handwriting when the "change font" button is RIGHT THERE!!!!

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@vesperings · March 31 2026

I try to keep it up because I'm too old to be sad tragic beautiful, it is just pathetic. But I am so tired of it. No more sugar to mask the rot.

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@vesperings · March 31 2026

I feel sick. My life is not my own and never will be. What point is there in living this way? No wonder I destroy myself. If only there was some escape within reach.

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@vesperings · March 31 2026

Needing a VPN to download a VPN has me feeling like 2014? Taylor Swift.

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@vesperings · March 31 2026

Words cannot describe how pissed off I am right now. You have no respect for my boundaries or privacy. You barely see me as a person and have violated me without even considering your wrongdoing. You are dead to me.

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@vesperings · March 31 2026

For a feminist, I sure do love pretty boy brunette characters who are secretly violent misogynists.

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@vesperings · March 31 2026

Internet used to be a space, yes, but more importantly internet used to be a thing you huddled over with your friends and cousins discovering new, possibly traumatising, things.

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@vesperings · March 30 2026

There is this one part in Justin Bieber's Flatline that I swear could be a NBHD song.

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@vesperings · March 30 2026

With my destructive tendencies and constant desire for a fresh start, I am honestly quite surprised I have never nuked this website. The homepage is near identical to when I first made it. Back in my Weebly days, I was never able to commit to one for more than a few months at a time.

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@vesperings · March 30 2026

Addicted to cyberstalking anyone who interacts with this website. You are all such fascinating individuals. <3333

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@vesperings · March 27 2026

The joke of it all is that the reason I crave it so badly is exactly because I am so vehemently against it!

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@vesperings · March 27 2026

I am feeling a little sad about all the journals I have either lost or destroyed over the course of my life, how much of my existence has been erased forever. I have to remind myself though, that while I did keep these for many years, I was never that regular, having the tendency to only pick up my pen in anger or distress. I was far too in my own head to document any real memories. If it bothers me so much, I can try recording them now for the sake of posterity but what is far more important is to learn from my mistakes and honour my writing practise in the present. I have been slipping lately, spending too much time on my screen, but I need to write like I need water, and can feel the miasma forming whenever I abandon it for too long.

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@vesperings · March 26 2026

Just made an iced mango matcha and I will be drinking this daily for the forseeable future.

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@vesperings · March 23 2026

My blood might really be Neo Pearl Champagne with how much matcha I've been drinking lately.

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@vesperings · March 12 2026

I never got why Robin (Batman) was called Robin until I looked up a picture of an American robin (bird.)

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@vesperings · March 6 2026

Am I insane or does On the Wire by Sisters of Mercy sound identical to the track that plays when Phoenix Wright points out an objection in Ace Attorney?

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@vesperings · March 5 2026

The term webmistress conjours up for me an image of an Elvira-eque gothic goddess in a skin-tight midnight black velvet gown and a cape made of spider silk.

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@vesperings · March 4 2026

Peer pressure doesn't work on me, I still love skinny jeans.

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@vesperings · March 4 2026

Truly, I cannot understand myself. I embody that which I desire in others as my own, yet by its nature it is antithetical to my heart.

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@vesperings · March 4 2026

I've replaced almost every social media service I have used with Neocities, except ironically the actual social aspect of them because none of my circle wants to make a website.

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@vesperings · March 3 2026

Who was going to tell me my silly little website made it onto page 3 of Special Sauce??? I was wondering where all these views came from all of a sudden.

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@vesperings · March 2 2026

Love is merely fodder for grief.

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@vesperings · March 1 2026

I concede it all to you; my ideals, my superiority. Teach me what I have never known and remake me in your image.

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@vesperings · March 1 2026

The only issue with having a "vintage" signature scent is the constant possibility of smelling like his mother.

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@vesperings · February 24 2026

You are now looking at the proud owner of a custom web domain!!

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@vesperings · January 17 2026

Some of my favourite non-perfume scents: freshly spun sugar, the caramelised nuts outside the British Museum (disappointingly, they do not taste anywhere near as delicious), the smoke from burning wood, summer wisteria, the night air — particulary in a forest, Dettol, occasionally the air from my university town when it would musteriously smell like chocolate cake no matter where you were

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@vesperings · December 31 2025

Saw, for the first time, Orion in his entirety, seemingly taking revenge on Artemis.

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@vesperings · December 17 2025

I need to switch to archival ink once these bottles run out. I love the colour but they smudge do badly even with clammy hands. Damn Parker discontinuing the red Quink.

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@vesperings · December 17 2025

The state of the job market is so bleakly fascinating. Postings written by AI, applied to by people using AI, assessed by people using AI. No wonder Linkedin warriors are the way that they are.

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@vesperings · December 17 2025

I try to swallow my fear back down with eyestrain and pixels. Death, so much death, and creeping closer in proximity. Always in the periphery of my mind, the very thought inviting it closer, like that woman from my dreams all those years ago. Ignoring it is the only way to keep it at bay and I am failing.

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@vesperings · December 9 2025

I am like 65% sure the guy sitting in front of me is that one brown comedian, Romesh or Romil or something.

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@vesperings · December 5 2025

What I consider to be the real me I rarely embody, meaning that is not really who I am. Instead I am this…

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@vesperings · December 5 2025

I am a coward, too scared to face the discomfort of existing in the mind and body I have ruined, so I just numb myself with distractions that only make me worse.

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@vesperings · December 5 2025

Sisyphus' cereal bowl.

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@vesperings · December 4 2025

I think my brain is too fried to fully appreciate the sublime. I hope that is not permanent and killing my screen-time will fix my relationship with nature. I wish I could be a poet.

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@vesperings · December 4 2025

Yesterday we went on a drive to the top of some hill at night to see the city lights, ankles deep in the snow. They seemed to flicker like a mirage and I traced planes from dots in the sky all the way to landing on the runway.

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@vesperings · September 22 2025

Oh, yes. I act like I'm so above it, so much better than you. I mock and sneer to hide that really, I'm the worst of all.

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@vesperings · September 20 2025

Rewatching Scream was a bad idea.. I am going insane.

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@vesperings · September 18 2025

Gained self-knowledge only accessible when trying to decide what film to watch before bed.

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@vesperings · September 15 2025

I am taking steps to combat my hitherto non-existence by inviting beauty into my life. Today was a languid day, spent in a sheer nighdress and lace robe. Picked two roses from the garden - one pale pink perfumed like Turkish delight, and the other traditional crimson - and put them in a small glass lechythus atop my writing desk. Purified my fountain pen, treasure of stolen sentimentality, purging blood and rose syrup into porcelain waters. Finally let myself remember the nightmare that has haunted me for 18 years. I am still unsure what it means, and it still makes me uneasy. I know that woman is still out there, and she will come for me sooner or later. I have evaded her long enough.

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@vesperings · June 04 2025

Salvation! Losing myself so completely to a new obsession. I can never give myself partially, my love is fanaticism.

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@vesperings · June 20 2025

I understand Blanche DuBois so completely.

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@vesperings · June 09 2025

I don't think you'll see this, but it is the only time I'll address you. For once, and only once, you'll be correct in assuming something is about you. Don't flatter yourself by taking credit for anything else. I do not want you in my life. I don't care what your intentions are, stay away.

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@vesperings · June 08 2025

Jaejoong!Light and Kento!L Death Note

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@vesperings · June 07 2025

Saw a bat flittering around in my gaden yester evening. Plato's Syposium has somehow become my all-time comfort read, and I'm not sure what that says about me.

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@vesperings · May 24 2025

You wear that human skin so well you'd fool even me if I didn't know better.

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@vesperings · May 07 2025

Among other things, my name means "to fight" in Swahili. Caught myself browsing pictures of flowers on Pinterest during the nexus of spring. There is probably something to be said about this, but the analysis is too obvious.

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@vesperings · May 06 2025

Hot sticky sweat like the peel of a slightly overripe mango.

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@vesperings · May 02 2025

Make a commitment to start noticing the small, insignificant moments in life and am immediately rewarded by a large, very significant horse on my way to class. I take the shortcut across the field thinking about Pythagoras the whole time. A missing person’s poster is pinned to a tree. A goose perched atop a particularly large bush amuses me. The cloying scent of salted chemical caramel is inescapable everywhere I go. I'd wager Lush or Sol de Janeiro. Suddenly I don't mind how faint my own perfume is.

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@vesperings · May 01 2025

I keep thinking of a comment I saw that said the golden rule of existing on the internet is to create more than one consumes. Unrealistic, perhaps, but gives me much to think about.

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@vesperings · Apr 30 2025

Crow feasts on the guts of a rabbit on the green in front of the church. Sees me watch and hops away in what human eyes might misconstrue as embarassment.

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@vesperings · Apr 28 2025

I'll give myself fully to you again soon, I promise. I just need some sleep.

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@vesperings · Apr 28 2025

A fly has been assailing me all day, buzzing in my ear, following me from room to room. Even the shower. I don't want to kill it, being annoying doesn't warrant death, but it reminds me of you, devil, and I need it GONE GONE GONE. Did you finally do it? Am I being haunted?

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@vesperings · Apr 27 2025

Alexander Skarsgard as Edward Snowden. Send Tweet.

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@vesperings · Apr 26 2025

Mmmm Benadryl. zzzzzz

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@vesperings · Apr 26 2025

My instincts are never wrong and I've grown wise enough to listen at the first twig crack. I ache to my marrow and will never be free because it's who I am. I think I'm incapable of feeling but bloom with sentimentality. I crave what can only be possessed in dreams and alas I am insomniac. I hope someday I can purge this hatred from my heart. I miss when God was mine.

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@vesperings · Apr 24 2025

Let's see Paul Allen's carrd.

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@vesperings · Apr 23 2025

Corvids caw and sweet petrol and asphalt sting my nose. It’s almost 6PM, but the sun shines tepidly onto my still damp hair. Slight breeze on my ankles. My mask (the disposable kind — black) doesn’t fit me right no matter how hard I pinch the bridge of my nose. That act makes me sneeze. Low hanging branchlets stroke my head as I pass.

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@vesperings · Apr 14 2025

A spray of wisteria has bloomed overnight. Clouds part to let stream a weak patch of sunlight and a pigeon perches atop the water fountain. A squirrel clambers down the fence and across freshly mown grass, bushy tail twitching. I watch these things from my bedroom window, glued to a machine.

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@vesperings · Apr 11 2025

Old enough that when I was in high school and you needed to find a "nice" picture on Google Images or Pinterest, you'd add "tumblr" to the end of your search query instead of "aesthetic" or "--core" like kids do now. Of course, the firewall would block any mention of a social networking site, so you'd have to misspell "tumblr" as "tumbler".

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@vesperings · Apr 11 2025

Altruism is the perfect cover for a voyeur.

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@vesperings · Mar 27 2025

I am watching Carmilla (2019) right now to compare to the novel and I am not loving how much it deviates from the plot at the moment but there is a scene where Carmilla teaches Laura to control her breath until she faints and I just remember [REDACTED] and I used to do that when we were younger. Even though she seems insufferable now, I miss the time we spent together.

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@vesperings · Mar 27 2025

I think a lot of my flaws stem from the deeply rooted belief I have that if I cannot do something perfectly, I may as well not do it at all. I am well are this thinking is flawed, but I just cannot help myself. My perfectionism ironically leads to me doing nothing at all and having to rush in the end. I am trying to combat this but I fall back into old habits almost immediately. Still I will try not to waste the rest of the day and make use of my time. Before I go, I should catch you up a bit since I did not write much yesterday or this morning. I have been talking to Sanya a lot recently and he added me to that friend group’s group chat. Yay! Friends!

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@vesperings · July 8 2024

Psychological grievances aside, I will forever be grateful I was born into a matriarchical househhold.

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@vesperings · July 6 2024

It was a rescued stray cat moment, but I'm never going to tell you that.

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@vesperings · May 5 2024

If you were any less pure, I'd feel falling into idolatory. But nothing about you could possible be sinful. God makes Himself known to me through you - one of His greatest creations.

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@vesperings

There's a certain hazy, imperfect quality to memories which can only really be captured well using analog. Not everything is in perfect HD focus, nor can every single second be captured, making the moments one does decide to preserve countlessly more meaningful.

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@vesperings · January 1 2024

They say nostalgia is about chasing the effortless joy of childhood. So what is the name for my burden - longing for a past that was never mine, that never existed?

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@vesperings · January 1 2024

I need you to be mine because you have become my vessel for comprehending God's divinity.

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@vesperings

My flesh is rotten and my blood impure, but dep within my bones (deep) is thesoft ache of perfection.

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@vesperings · 4th December 2023

You are my muse, and my body is my canvas. For your eyes alone I endure.

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@vesperings

Oh, I exist in a perpectual state of self-imposed martyrdom.

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@vesperings

Sprinkled stardust on my eyes, lips of black cherry wine.

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@vesperings

Suddenly the reflection shifts, from a pathetic yet harmless girl to something monstrous. Doe eyes turn dead and predatory, mask slips to reveal a crooked witch nose. But she is committing no egregious sin. It is chance (or fate!) that has intertwined their lives. She is merely observing.

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@vesperings · Nov 29 2023

Like a cat I cling to the faintest sliver of companionship, wide eyed and sesperate, claws drawn at any slight.

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@vesperings · March 1 2023

He was beautiful. A young Adonis who would have inspired those ancient greats to dedicate the remainder of their lives, meaningless before having gazed upon him, in recreating his form in dull marble, praying in vain for the bestowal of Pygmalion's gift. But the work of God cannot be so easily recreated.